I Just Don't Know...

Since my mother had me from a prior marriage my dad's family wasn't so happy about my mom and dad getting married. He was 5 years younger than her and only 16 years older than me. No big deal? His family seemed to think so. My dad was great while I was a child but once I turned a teenager I was a slut (really I wasn't!) and could do nothing right. I was a good kid/teenager and the only time I did something I shouldn't was when I left a school dance a little early to ride around with a friend's sister who had gotten her license. We drove around the block a few times, just us 3 girls, and went back to school. One of my teachers immediately called my dad and told him. My mom picked me up from school and warned me that I was in trouble. As soon as we got home I went to my bedroom. My dad walked in and called me all kinds of nasty names. He pulled his fist back and BAM, I got punched in the nose. Did I deserve that? I don't think so! I would never do that to my child no matter what. Of course, once his fist came towards my face I threw my leg up to keep him from hitting me. It didn't help and he swore that I tried to hit him between the legs. I didn't. I was trying to protect myself.

(Oh and I snuck out of my bedroom window once and was grounded for a month.)

Going to my dad's family things were rather uncomfortable. I was left out. I was never made over like the other grandchildren. Even once I had children they felt the same as I did growing up. It was obvious to my husband. None of us felt comfortable with visiting.

My children and I have heard my dad say such horrible things to my little brother over the years. Of course, that didn't make for a nice situation for my family and I visiting with them either. My children would cry and cry when they were little when I mentioned us going to visit and as they've gotten older they have begged me not to make them go to my dad's family get togethers. That is how unpleasant visiting with his family was.

Not all times were bad with my dad. We have had fun times in the past.. way past. I know he loves his grandchildren and I can't say he doesn't love me. He is just not good at showing it, I suppose.

A couple Summers ago my uncle gave my children goats for the fair (4H). My dad took them to his house and took care of them while we were finishing up our goat barn. My husband, children and I picked the goats up early one morning and brought them home. We got them all settled in and watched them play and explore their new surroundings for a couple of hours and then we went fishing. While fishing my dad called and asked me where the goats were. He knew we were coming to get them to bring them to our home for my children to take care of. My boys put lots of hours and sweat into helping my husband build their goat barn. So my dad calls and yells at me and tells me the goats will be dead by the time we get home and we should not have taken them home. I told him the goats would be fine and that we weren't gone long and would be going home soon.

What do we find when we get home? Three dead goats! I am in no way blaming the death of the goats on my dad. Nobody blamed the death of the goats on anyone! My neighbor had moved out and left their dogs (& I was caring for them) but they were sweet dogs. I cannot say that they did not kill the goats. I do not know because I was not there to see. My husband called the Sheriff department and was told to call the dog pound on the dogs just in case they had been the ones that killed the goats. A guy from the dog pound showed up and him and my husband walked all around inside and outside of the goat barn/fence and checked the goats over. There was no sign of hair or blood anywhere on the fence which was built high with barb wire running along the top twice with big spacing. There was NO sign of any hair or blood on the fence whatsoever yet one of the goats were laying outside of the fence.

What was noticed by my husband and the guy from the dog pound was the boot mark on one of the food buckets beside one of the goat's head. There were scuff like marks on the goats with raised hair. There were no lacerations or blood on the goats. They looked as if they had been kicked or hit or somehow beaten to death. Nobody blamed anybody. We were not there to see what happened therefore we could not blame anyone.

Because my aunt, my dad's sister, was my children's 4-H Advisor I called her to see if it was too late to purchase 3 new goats and explained that something had happened to my children's goats. My husband was sitting on the opposite side of the house not saying a word but all of a sudden my aunt started yelling at me that my husband better not have just said that my dad killed the goats. I asked her where in the world she heard such a thing because my husband definitely did not say that or even think that and he wasn't even talking and besides he was on the other side of my house and she wouldn't have been able to hear him if he was talking. My aunt started yelling at me and I defended my husband. She told me to never come around her or her mother ever again and that. I hung up totally confused about the conversation we had just had. I hadn't even called my dad yet to tell him about the goats but when I did he yelled, "G*D D*MN*T, MEL!" I told him not to talk to me that way. There was no need to cuss at me. He then proceeded to cuss me out even more and I hung up on him. This was over the death of my children's goats. I cannot believe how things were blown into such drama.

In order to keep peace we no longer attended family things on my dad's side. I was told not to come around therefore I did not want to cause drama and especially didn't want any drama going on around my children. My dad never did call me to let me know when our holiday dinners were going to be anyway. Every year on the same day he would always call me. Maybe I should have called him but I was actually relieved that I did not have to cause discomfort for my children for visiting with them. So maybe it was wrong of me but I was sick of the way my children and myself were treated over the years.

My grandmother was admitted into the hospital a couple of months ago because she had fallen, broken a couple ribs and punctured a lung. I was not informed of this until days later after she had returned home from the hospital. I can't even remember who informed me of this now. I am thinking one of my cousins. My dad called me only to yell at me for not visiting and acting like I care. If I had known I would have most definitely visited with her in the hospital.

A couple of weeks ago my dad called and left me a mean message on my voicemail. He also informed me that my grandmother was, once again, in the hospital but was home. She had a stroke but was doing well. I contacted a cousin to confirm she was doing well and was told that she, indeed, was doing well.

A few days ago my dad called while my son and I were sick with the flu. My oldest son answered and he was given the message that I am to get over to my grandmother's because she is not doing well. My son explained that we were very sick and that wasn't possible and that he would pass on the message.

Today I notice a voicemail on my phone and called to listen. My dad has such a way with words. They cut like a knife. They sting really bad. Does he not realize he is pushing me away with his hurtful words? I mean, seriously. What does he think he is accomplishing by being so mean and hurtful? So here I sit bawling my eyes out. I am ashamed at the blubbering mess I have let my dad make me today. I have so much going on as it is. I want to protect my children from this hurt. I don't know what to do. I am not one to hold grudges. Or maybe I am? I just want to protect my children. I want to protect myself from more hurt. I don't know what to do. If it is true that my grandmother's health is failing I know I will regret not visiting. But if I go and I get thrown out by my aunt or have to put up with my dad being a jerk.. well, that is not want I want for my grandmother.

My mother told me to send her a very nice card with a sweet note and maybe include new photos of my children. I think I will do this but is this the right thing to do? I just don't know.